Hello Friends of Woman of Excellence.
Excerpted from Woman of Excellence: Not Without a Struggle, pg. 109:
Part of a conversation I had with my spouse:
“I have put up with the drinking all these years, put up with the beatings, running to the bank almost daily to cover checks he had written to keep them from bouncing…” I asked when would my time come for happiness with him, or was it ever coming? He stared.
There are many kinds of real love such as love for child, parents, siblings, other family members, love of country, love of God and the list goes on. Since we are approaching Valentine’s Day, let’s look at some ways to define love between couples in a romantic relationship.
Love is a strong feeling for the opposite side of the couple. When things go wrong as they sometimes do, you try to work things out and make things right where both should end with a celebration of thanksgiving – where both are thankful for each others thoughtfulness toward the other. Also love is having compassion for each other, speaking compassionate to the other and about the other.
Love is longing for each other, the desire for each other’s company, closeness and desire to be alone with each other spending quality time together and marriage.
Love is trust, sacred, oneness, unconditional, committed to each other and show favorable actions toward the other.
Love does not hurt!
I have pages of quotes that my daughter is going to publish that my parents (her grandparents) said. One of my favorite quotes is something my Mom said every single day. If someone was going back and forth or undecided about something, Mom would say:
Let God fix it, pray and let Him have his way.
It would always end with examples, and finally “O’ He’ll fix it!” It is so special because I found out the hard way, if you try to fix some things instead of letting God fix them, or lead you and you follow, you have a tendency to mess up and prolong the fix—especially if you are trying to get even with someone.
The goal of Women of Excellence: Not Without a Struggle (NWAS) is to enhance the “total woman” spiritually, educationally, economically and socially–beginning with middle school girls globally. Being an abuse survivor and becoming more and more aware of so many horror stories from women of all walks of life, I believe there’s an urgency to make haste in this process.
Here’s how we have and will achieve success in our four core areas:
Spirituality: I have found that everybody does not believe in God as I do, and see the need for Him to be first in their lives. So far, I have not come across one woman who does not believe in a higher power. Enhancing spiritually for me is like a cleansing of the mind, body and soul.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I have run into women who are beat down so much, they don’t know what to do. Prayer, good reading, quiet moments and a good listener always worked for me. I can truly say this has worked for so many women who share it with me regularly over several years. When I hear stories about how the organization has helped them, my soul screams with happiness. I have learned to be a good listener. Sometimes the conversation may end with weeping but I am thankful for the change that the organization has made.
Education: Don’t ever stop learning. Always strive for excellence, and be the pacesetter. We must improve our self-esteem. Getting to girls early in youth is so important! We can’t let them go out in the world beat down and with the wrong thoughts as to how life should be and most of all not knowing what love is and what it is not. Our organization offers workshops, retreats, mentoring, and lectures from people who have traveled the path of abuse. We also offer counseling and legal assistance, and scholarships to three colleges. Contact the organization first, and we may help fund your training at the institution of your choice (as long as it is accredited and you meet the criteria
Economic Help: We have found that many women stay in abusive relations is because they think that they can’t do any better. If we succeed with spiritually and educationally this will fall in line. You are equipped – feeling good about yourself and have the skills to function without the abuser.
Social Help: Be selective when it comes to friends and where you frequent. If possible select people who are smarter than you are because you will learn from them and select people who will compliment you.
Our main goal is to go globally with the message about domestic violence and prevention. We want an organization in every city, and the curriculum in all schools–beginning in middle schools. We have reached over a million people via the Internet, workshops, retreats, schools, universities elected officials, word of mouth and newspaper articles.
What to look forward to:
Our next major conference is April 9, 20ll. We had a clothes give-a-way on January 17, 2011. We are and will always be women helping women.
An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.
Domestic violence is a big secret in too many homes. Even though it is wrong and detrimental to the point of death in some cases (and destructive in all cases), it is rarely talked about in the home and almost never outside of the home. It happens verbally and physically. It hurts in both cases. In some cases it is referred to as a “generational cycle” which does not have to continue.
During my research and interfacing with women and some men, there is too much verbal and physical abuse going on ignored and brushed under the rug. The stories are horrific because of a lack of knowledge and too little is being
done to prevent it from happening. In my home growing up it didn’t happen, and when I walked into it I knew it would go away because people who loved each other didn’t do this.
I believe it should be a part of school curriculum, in the form of a club (such as Junior Achievement) or a class,because there needs to be an ongoing visual aid. What I mean here is that it is not enough to have someone show up once or twice a year to talk about abuse during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Once the speaker has gone, that’s it. Do the children go home and tell the parents? Is there a follow-up?
With domestic violence as part of the curriculum, it’s in an impartial environment and kids cannot be blamed for or suspected of telling what is going on in the home. They will have notes from school to show for the class, or other means for education about the topic, and we’ll know it is falling on fertile ground. Once the lecture is over, they probably don’t mention it when they get home out of fear. In the curriculum, young girls will be empowered to stand up for themselves, make better decisions, and not be afraid to speak out about forced and unaccepted acts of violence and recognize them.
Four reasons that domestic violence education should be part of school curriculum:
1. Curriculum reminds students abuse is bad – Education would be an ongoing reminder for students, out in the open but without finger pointing.
2. Ending of the “generational cycle” – I have met women where the great grandmother married an abuser, the grandmother, the mother and the daughter. Why? When the father would come in late in some families, the children would run and hide under the bed or another place and be very quiet for fear they would get a beating when the dad finished with mom. There is no right or wrong when it comes to the abuser. When you think you have it right, something goes wrong. In families like this, abuse is accepted behavior because this is what they know. It doesn’t and definitely should not be this way.
3. A true definition of “love” – I have interviewed teens and questioned them to see if they have experienced abuse or know someone who is being abused. I have never had a hesitation without answers. When asked what they should do, 90 percent of the time the answer is “nothing.” Sometimes they will say “I tried to tell him/her that I wouldn’t take that.”
4. Elimination of bad self-esteem – Being part of the curriculum, it will eliminate destroying self-esteem for young women before they go out in the world. If they embrace abuse as acceptable, they will start out thinking the glass is half empty instead of half full. With education about domestic violence, they won’t be controlled but think for themselves. They will be empowered, with a high self esteem.
What are your thoughts? Should domestic violence be a part of school curriculum? Why or why not?
After almost forty years of an up-and-down relationship, saying over and over that I had allowed this relationship to go on much too long (especially since I kept promising myself that when my children became adults that I would start a better life for myself)– it had finally happened.
The first night after I had settled in, I was laying across the bed. I was thinking about what had happened. It came to me: Leaving was not enough, I had to reach out to other women. When I came to this point, I had already decided to start an organization to help other women, because I had begun to seek out other women who were suffering from domestic violence and immediately found out that was not enough . I had to do more.
Once my organization, Women of Excellence: Not Without a Struggle, was on solid footing and I started getting so much positive feedback, right away I knew we had to reach girls beginning in middle school. Domestic violence needed to be a part of the curriculum. It is definitely needed in the schools in an impartial setting. Why? Because the children won’t get in trouble at home for fear of being punished or accused of being the one to tell at school. I began to start putting my thoughts on paper and continued over a period or eleven years before publishing.
Once you see the book, don’t ignore it. Read it , share it, start a support group, and pray for the people who are least likely to do anything—especially the ones who think they are trapped and to those who are in denial and pretend that it doesn’t happen.
When it comes to minimizing abuse, I am the best ambassador in the world to do so. I didn’t come from a long line of abusers as some. I came from a home of love. My book talks about what great parents God blessed me with. They loved each other, loved us, showed love openly and were married 70 years and 3 months. They loved each other until Dad took his last breath at 92. Mom loved him until she died at 92 three years later.
I know it doesn’t have to be an accepted way of life as so many have said in some testimonies that I have heard. I lived with my abuser for almost forty years because I thought the two of us could do more for our children together. I was wrong. It took me longer to leave than I would ever want anyone else to take. I didn’t just leave and write a book… It took me eleven years to write this book. Ever since I left, I have been visibly helping women. There has been a very few days when I haven’t helped some women on the Internet looking for helpful information, with conferences, referrals, being there as a good listener, looking for grants, filled out the 501c3 application myself so we would be eligible for donations and finally did what I have been wanting to do. And, I started a scholarship fund at two colleges to help them improve their skills so they can get away and not have to go back.
Believe me when I say, very few days pass when I don’t do something if it is nothing but cry and pray for them. Recently, I lost my mother and this organization helps me to cope.